THE CAPTAIN’S CORNER - Welcome Aboard!

THE CAPTAIN’S CORNER
_____________________________________________

Ahoy, Mateys!

That’s sailor talk for “Hello, friends!”

Capt. Adam LaRonde of the
SS Ted McGinley

My name is Capt. LaRonde and let me be the first to welcome you aboard the SS Ted McGinley cruise ship.

For those first time cruisers, you are in for the experience of a lifetime. I hope you packed your sunscreen and left your worries behind.

The first question I get from folks who have never been on a cruise before is always when do we eat?

Well, I’m proud to announce that our award-winning buffet service is now open 24 hours a day, seven days a week.  As my dear old Dad used to say:  if you don’t get enough to eat, it’s your own damn fault.

Also you might want to take a second to pinch yourself (ouch!)

Why did you just pinch yourself? Because we are extremely lucky to have on this voyage the one and only Shecky Herring. The legendary prop comedian will be performing nightly at our famous Peppermint Lounge.  Also we have a variety of musical acts for your enjoyment, including my personal favorite Mary Knapp and her magical accordion stylings.

And if all that food, comedy and music still isn’t enough, our Cruise Director Judy McGill has planned a smorgasbord of fun and exciting activities for you to enjoy.

And now for all those grizzled cruise veterans among us, I say:  Quit bugging me and let me steer the ship!

All joking aside, please do not try to enter the main steerage deck.  Especially in these post-9/11 times I fail to find the humor in it.

Now, for both the “newbies” and the “vets”, may I make this humble request?

If you find yourself with time to spare, feel free to lend us a hand. Help scrub the deck, cut up some taters in the kitchen or just shovel coal in the engine room (just kidding – our engines run on nuclear fuel).

Our newly-installed engines are perfectly functional, bought at bargain prices from the former Soviet Republic of Azberbaijan. Say what you want about the evils of the Soviet communist system but man oh man when that sucker collapsed there were bargains to be found everywhere!!!

It’s traditional to launch a sea voyage with a toast. And here is one of my favorites:

May you always be upgraded to a deluxe cabin, may the buffet line always be short, and may your plumbing never need fixin!

Huzzah, Bon Voyage and L'Chayim!

-Capt. Adam LaRonde

SS Ted McGinley

 

Climb Aboard the SS Ted McGinley

with IRTE in...  

ADRIFT

Saturdays, April 4, 11 & 18, 8:00 pm

at The Producer's Club

358 W 44th St, NYC

between 8th & 9th Ave.

Tickets: $12.00

 

TV Guide Cheers & Jeers - Bonnie Winters to Star in Wow Wee!

CHEERS 'N' JEERS
 

Meredith is pissed

Cheers for Bonnie Winters who recently broke her contract with NBC to star in the in the eagerly awaited Wow Wee! Adventures of a Little Girl Robot, premiering TONIGHT on IRTV!

 

Bonnie cut her "FAMILY TIES" to play the adorable ANDIE THE ANDROID in the heartwarming and cutting edge family sitcom. "It just seemed like a better fit," lisped the pint-sized thespian, "Besides, Michael J. Fox is totally in love with me. Things are getting awkward around craft services."

 

 



A Sausage

Before she captured America's hearts (and Alex P. Keaton's!), Lil' Bonnie Winters was CANADA'S SWEETHEART. Born in the small village of North Northumberland, in the back hills of Ontario, Canada, the much beloved actress, singer and TV personality, began her performing career at the tender age of six months when her mother, Fanny Briskett, entered her in several infant pageants and talent competitions.  Voted LITTLE MISS SAUSAGE LINK, Bonnie caught the eye of talent scout Bernie Lipsbaum, who promptly cast her in the highly coveted role of FEATURED BACKGROUND in George Zukor's mega-hit, Star Babies!  Urged by peers to pursue a career in SHOW BUSINESS, she legally emancipated herself from her mother at the age of five and moved to the entertainment capital of Orlando, FL. There, she changed her name to Bonnie Winters in honor of acting idols Shelley Winters and Bonnie Franklin.

 

Despite auspicious beginnings, Winters' early years in Florida were challenging.  Having failed to win a spot after repeated call-backs for The Mickey Mouse Club, Bonnie turned to voiceovers and airboat tours.  She eventually returned to the stage with the bus and truck tour of Raisin in the Sun, the Musical, and America rejoiced! Shortly afterwards, Bonnie Winters career LEAPED FORWARD when she appeared opposite actor Tab Hunter in the break-out film Bikini Beach 5: Babies in Bikinis.

Winters' star turn was followed by numerous appearances in episodic prime-time television shows, including Love, Canadian Style, CHiPs 1980, The Love Boat and Lord of the Fantasy Island. 

Land O'Lakes Little Miss Butter Face Pageant

Will Bonnie Winters continue to captivate audiences as a lovable pint-sized robot modeled after a real human girl? (Will Michael J. Fox please stop calling her?) Wow Wee! We cannot wait to find out!

 

Don't miss Lil' Bonnie Winters

 in
  

Wow Wee! Adventures of a Little Girl Robot

Saturdays, March 7, 14 and 21, 8:00 pm

at The Producer's Club

358 W 44th St, NYC

between 8th & 9th Ave.

Tickets: $12.00

 

TV Guide Cheers & Jeers - Tammy Sue Dixon and the New Hollywood Glamour of Primetime TV!

 

CHEERS 'N' JEERS
 

Meredith seething with jealousy

Cheers for Tammy Sue Dixon who narrowly beat out Meredith Baxter-Birney for the highly coveted role of Betty Truman in the much anticipated Wow Wee! Adventures of a Little Girl Robot, premiering TONIGHT on IRTV!

 

Tammy plays the mother of the Truman brood and red headed foil to her bumbling husband played by five-time PEOPLE'S CHOICE AWARD WINNER, Lester Lannigan.

 

SHOCKINGLY, Wow Wee! is Tammy Sue's network television debut.  Originally from Fort Worth, Texas, this aspiring BROADWAY dancer/singer/actor may never have seen the actual footlights of the GREAT WHITE WAY, but she did receive GLOWING PRAISE for her two month stint in a Staten Island Community Playhouse production of CATS, where critics called her "FERAL", "ON STAGE", and "ALWAYS SINGING!". Rumor has it that as soon as Wow Wee! wraps it's season, it's back to "BROADWAY" with a new musical adaptation of "The Bell Jar." The glamorous rising star has been singled out to play the Lead Jar in the ballet dream sequence. (Take THAT, Meredith Baxter-Birney!)

Tammy Sue may be a familiar face to many of us who have witnessed her transcendant appearances on local public access tv talk show Midafternoon with Curtis Lee where she was able to showcase some of her tap dancing skills and also promote her signature perfume line, "Totally Tammy Sue" (available at Strawberry and Joyce Leslie stores). When asked to credit her success, Dixon demurely shrugs and explains, "With the right wig, anyone can act their way out of a paper bag."

 

Wow Wee! HOLLYWOOD cannot wait to see this STAR SHINE! (Let's hope Ms. Baxter-Birney doesn't feel the BURN!)

Don't miss Tammy Sue Dixon in
 

Wow Wee! Adventures of a Little Girl Robot

Saturdays, March 7, 14 and 21, 8:00 pm

at The Producer's Club

358 W 44th St, NYC

between 8th & 9th Ave.

Tickets: $12.00