The Two Davids, a Dueling Interview

David E. Johnston

Mr. David Jay

By Jamie Maloney

I had the rare opportunity to talk to both David Johnston AND Mr David Jay, long time IRTE collaborators, about their experiences with IRTE and the upcoming production Last Resort.

Jamie: How did you come to be involved with IRTE?

David Johnston: I worked with Brad Barton, who is an improv comic and friends with IRTE. He knew I was starting a band called “Gift of Tongues” and that IRTE was looking for musical guests for their shows.

Nannette Deasy "Jay" declined to comment
on this interview

Mr. David Jay: When Gift of Tongues bowed out, my ex girlfriend/wife Nannette asked me to come perform at the last minute

Jamie: How long have you been a GIRTE? In which IRTE productions have you appeared?

David Johnston: I have been a GIRTE for about 4 years. Gift of Tongues appeared in the 2013 season and in one show in 2014:

Interludes 2063, vIRTEgo Circus, and Space Probe. The 2014 show was The Scary

Mr. David Jay: Seems like forever. I started in the 2014 season with vIRTE Go-Go. In Magic Zoo I did an excerpt of my upcoming one-man show “Zoo-sical- Behind the Bars of the Human Zoo”. Then I headlined The League of Extraordinary Blondes .In 2015 I performed in every goddamn show of the season

Jamie: Do you have a favorite memory of your experiences with IRTE? What do you like most about performing in IRTE shows?

David Johnston: One of my favorite Gift of Tongues experiences was for Space Probe, when I wanted to do music that combined 70’s space funk with songs about clones. And I had Matt Dallow on theremin- which I think is one of the coolest instruments.

Mr David Jay: My favorite memory was at DIG!, when I made 4 audience feel like they had to leave the theater. I was just doing a simple monologue about suppositories and my mother’s French manicures. What’s the big deal?

Jamie: Do you have any interesting talents or abilities that people might be surprised to know about?

Mr David Jay: No. Everything you need to know is right on stage

David Johnston: For about 5 years I had a company called “The Bubble Roome” which made personal care products like soap and body butter and things like that. I started in my tiny Brooklyn kitchen and then was able to have someone else manufacture my recipes as the products got into over 100 stores.

Jamie: The current IRTE show, “Last Resort” is all about wish fulfillment. Do you have a secret wish you’d like to share with everyone?

David Johnston: Gift of Tongues doing a huge spectacle show at the BAM Opera House

Mr David Jay: My secret wish: to always have a follow-spot, and a fresh glass of Maker’s Mark on stage at all times

Jamie: So what will you be doing for the show this time around?

Mr David Jay: Breaking the rules, bridging gaps, and bringing people of different colors together under a rainbow of glitter.

Jamie: Do you have anything else happening that you’d like people to know about?

David Johnston: We’re working on a video for one of our songs from our last CD, which is called Dahmeresque. It will like a bloody valentine.

Mr David Jay: I’m currently very constipated.

Jamie: Thanks David and David, I’ll see you at showtime.

Don't miss LAST RESORT

Friday and Saturday nights at 8 p.m.
June 10, 11, 17 & 18
The Producer’s Club
358 W 44th St, New York, NY
Tickets: $12

Aged Wisdom: 21 Pieces of Advice from Some Old Fart

Actual photo

By Lane Brickmason, Curmudgeon
(...as told to William Berg)

1. Work is overrated. If I could do it all over again I’d retire in my twenties and work shit jobs in my sixties.
2. Never hold a grudge or a fart. You’ll feel much better if you let it all go. Some say true freedom is the freedom to fart whenever and wherever you need to.
3. Always have sex with a woman who wants to have sex with you. Whatever mess it may make in the moment, you’ll regret it later if you don’t do it.
4. Free yourself from guilt. If no one saw you do it and you didn’t get caught, stop worrying about it.
5. Always sign a pre-nup. Trust me on this.
6. Never trust a politician, a lawyer, or your in-laws. In the end, they’re all out to get you.
7. Learn to play a musical instrument. It’ll help get you laid when you’re young and keep you company when you’re old.
8. Don’t concern yourself with fashion. Wear whatever the hell you like wearing.
9. Learn how to handle a firearm. Even if you don’t ever own a gun, it’s a good skill to have and you just never know when you might need it.
10. Learn how to get your own food, whether it’s hunting, fishing, or gardening. Again, you never know.
11. Keep fit and learn how to work with your hands. If you don’t build your own house, at least you can dig your own grave.
12. Do your goddamn dishes! It’s inconsiderate and disgusting, and nothing pleases a woman more than a man doing a simple chore.
13. Always keep your driver’s license and your library card current. There’s more than one way to get away!
14. Don’t get caught up in always having the latest technological gadget. Learn how to do things the old ways and you’ll be doing just fine.
15. Learn how to ride a horse or a motorcycle. Do I need to explain why?
16. Learn to fly a plane, pilot a boat, or drive a train. Good for when the shit really hits the fan.
17. Avoid doctors unless absolutely necessary. They’re like car mechanics but not as honest.
18. On the subject of perfume: when ladies wear just a little bit it adds a nice flavor to their already alluring scent. Men, on the other hand, should NEVER wear perfume. That garbage just stinks! I’d rather smell my own farts.
19. If you ever get the chance to go up in a UFO - DON’T F*CKING DO IT!!!
20. Always have a smile ready. It’s good for charming a lady or sticking it to someone who’s trying to get you down.
21. Make sure you make out a will and give clear instructions for after your death. Don’t be a pain in the ass from the grave!

The most important piece of advice..?
Don't miss LAST RESORT

Friday and Saturday nights at 8 p.m.
June 10, 11, 17 & 18
The Producer’s Club
358 W 44th St, New York, NY
Tickets: $12