Last time I was on extended shore
leave, I spent some time with my wonderful nephew. I would like to share with
you one of his favorite jokes:
KNOCK KNOCK
WHO’S THERE?
BOO
BOO WHO?
QUIT CRYING YOU BIG
BABY!
The kid is a budding comedic genius (watch your back, Shecky Herring!)
But perhaps lurking beneath the surface of this joke is a
lesson to be learned. Are we (the passengers and unfortunately most of the
crew) just a bunch of CRY BABIES who need to stop their BOO-HOOing? Some food
for thought…
Speaking of food: the buffet is officially closed. Once we lost electricity, we were fighting a
losing battle to save the perishable food items. And that battle has now
officially been lost.
What about canned goods, you say? Well, I threw them all
overboard last night. I couldn’t sleep
because of the infernal moaning of the fish in the sea. “Feed us, feed us, feed us,” they kept
chanting over and over again. Finally, I got up and threw all the cans into the
sea. I tossed the can openers over as
well, just in case.
Maybe it’s time you got a little adventurous with your
dining experiences. Have you ever tried seagull? It’s only good when it’s raw.
The trick is catching the dirty buggers!
And please stop asking me if I have some kind of “secret
Captain’s stash” of food. I do actually
have a secret stash, but its magazines not food. Before you ask -- NO you can’t
borrow them. I lent Shecky one of my personal faves and never got it back. He
ruined it for everybody else, so take it up with him.
Looking for something to distract yourself from the
inevitable doom that awaits us all? Check out the amazing Mr. David Jay performing nightly in the Tsunami Room. And if you
haven’t grown weary of his stale jokes and lame prop gags, Shecky Herring
continues his late night run in The Peppermint Lounge
Several of the passengers have asked me about the strange
creatures that have begun following the ship. They have been described as
half-woman / half-fish, with hair woven out of shimmering sea foam. I’m no
zoologist, but years at sea have taught me that these creatures are called
“mermaids.”
Note to parents: if you have young children and you spot a
mermaid, be forewarned that these creatures have never adopted the human custom
of wearing clothes. The sight of a
mermaid’s heaving bosoms, draped in glistening seaweed, has been known to
confuse many a young lad and cause many a sleepless night.
So maybe it’s time to have that talk, the talk my
now-departed parents never had with me. The one about mermaids and how you
should never ever fall in love with one. Never.
Climb Aboard the SS Ted McGinley
with IRTE in...
Saturdays, April 4, 11 & 18, 8:00 pm
at The Producer's Club
358 W 44th St, NYC
between 8th & 9th Ave.
at The Producer's Club
358 W 44th St, NYC
between 8th & 9th Ave.
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