Every week, Aggy Quincy Adams
answers New Yorkers’ burning questions in her provocative “Dear Aggy” advice column.
She has read every edition of “The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette”
since it first went into print in 1952. Aggy’s raw, unfiltered advice makes her
the moral compass of New York.
_____________________________________________
An Inwood woman abandons longtime bagel
spot in favor of more hygienic pastures.
_____________________________________________
Dear Aggy: You are my only hope in this. There
are two bodegas on the same block in my neighborhood, one of which I live above
in my building. Naturally, I always patronize the bodega a few stories below me
in my building owned by a sweet older gentleman we will call Mr. Sosa. He’s a
super sweet guy, and I have known him and his daughter in passing over the last
two years. One day, I saw Mr. Sosa sneeze and then handle my regular toasted
bagel with cream cheese order with his bare, unwashed, not hand-sanitized
hands. Aggy, I was totally grossed out!
Mr. Sosa is such a nice, grandfatherly man but after that
gross encounter, I began going to the bodega across the street. I wake up an
hour and a half earlier just to spare Mr. Sosa the pain of seeing me go to the
bodega across the street. I feel like a prisoner in my own neighborhood. How
can I fix this?
- Feeling Guilty in
Inwood
Dear Guilty: I
will tell you the proper etiquette in this situation. Go to Papyrus, select
some delightful stationary and slip under the door of the bodega early in the
morning, before the store opens. In the letter, sincerely explain why you're a
Sosa Bodega defector. I think he'll appreciate the timeless thoughtfulness of
this gesture. People simply don’t write handwritten letters like they used to.
All the best!
Dear Aggy: I got a really great deal on Groupon
for salsa lesson package at a studio in Chelsea. I was very excited because the
lead instructor has worked with cast members of Dancing With the Stars, plus
the studio is close to my job, so I can attend classes conveniently after work.
At my first session, I was very excited to see that the
illustrious lead instructor and namesake of the studio would actually be the
one teaching my class. Wow! The class started off great—he made salsa seem
simple and broke down the basics in a way that I could understand. However,
about halfway through the class, I noticed a rancid smell. It wasn’t until the
instructor called upon me as a lady “volunteer” to help him demonstrate a new
move that I realized the origin of that incredibly putrid stench. It was the
instructor!
I figured his awful body odor was just a one-time thing but
four sessions deep, things have not improved. In fact, they have only gotten
worst. His body odor permeates not only the studio room, but the entire floor.
I could even smell his stench when I was at the water fountain down the
corridor.
Now I understand why I got such a great deal—this guy
stinks! I don’t want to leave the class because he’s really an awesome teacher,
and I don’t want to lose out of this great lesson package deal that I’ve
already paid for. But if I don’t do something soon, I’m afraid I’ll choke on the
air in the room.
- Deal Gone Rancid in
Chelsea
Dear Deal: As a
descendant of President John Quincy Adams, I must emphasize how it is important
to be discreet in situations like this. Have you tried asking him to open a
window in the studio? Or turn up the air conditioner? Have you shown your
appreciation with a shiny new gift basket of soaps and body washes from Bath
& Body Works? If none of those things work, you should purchase a medical
facemask and wear that to class. If anyone questions why you’re wearing it,
simply tell them that your immune system is vulnerable and can be easily
compromised by foreign agents. No one will question that explanation. Have a
great day!
Looking for MORE great advice..?
Come see IRTE in
Saturdays, May 2, 9 & 16, 8:00 pm
at The Producer's Club
358 W 44th St, NYC
between 8th & 9th Ave.
at The Producer's Club
358 W 44th St, NYC
between 8th & 9th Ave.
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