Dear Aggy: Upper Eastside Headmaster Wants to Deny Neighbors’ Kid Admission to “It” Pre-School

By Aggy Quincy Adams

 

Every week, Aggy Quincy Adams answers New Yorkers’ burning questions in her provocative “Dear Aggy” advice column. She has read every edition of “The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette” since it first went into print in 1952. Aggy’s raw, unfiltered advice makes her the moral compass of New York.

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An Upper Eastside woman wants to keep her social circle free of status climbing riffraff—and their offspring.  

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 Dear Aggy: I am the headmaster at a prestigious pre-school for Ivy League bound 4 year olds. My obnoxious new money neighbors desperately would like their 3 year old to attend in the fall. Even though I know first hand that young Bartholomew shows Ivy potential, this family is persona non grata in my social group. They are relentless social climbers with gross, ostentatious displays of wealth like Louis Vuitton suitcases. I don't want to be the one responsible for validating this family and affirming their deluded ambition to be well regarded within our group by admitting their son into my academy.

— Upper Crust Gatekeeper on the UES

Dear Upper Crust: You poor darling! It's completely unfair that your relentless neighbors have put you in this position. But, it’s a good thing you came to me because I have a great idea. Set up a scholarship for underprivileged students, and announce your neighbors’ young preschooler as the inaugural beneficiary. This will accomplish two things: You will be reaffirming that family's status as the underclass nouveau riche that they truly are, and you'll be doing a great thing for charity. I am sure you know the importance of contributing to charitable causes. It’s a win-win. And if they refuse your generous offer, they are truly tasteless. Godspeed!

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Dear Aggy: I am so excited because I have finally booked the perfect venue for my June wedding—the Brooklyn Botanic Garden! As a native Brooklynite, I am so proud that my special day will happen in the borough I have called home my entire life. But of course, there’s a problem!

My uncle owns a catering hall in Sheepshead Bay and insists on hosting our reception there as his wedding gift to us. However, this will make for quite a trek for my guests after the ceremony. My fiancé is from rural Ohio, and our wedding will be the first time in New York City for many of his family members traveling in for the wedding. I had this bright idea to buy Metrocards for all 100 guests but my maid of honor called that idea “tacky.” I really think the reception ought to be closer to the ceremony venue. Right around the time that my uncle gifted us with the use of his catering hall for our reception, I found this amazing art deco reception hall around the corner from the ceremony venue that is still available the day of my wedding…if I don’t miss the deposit deadline.

Aggy, I absolutely cannot say no to my uncle—he’s already started working on menu ideas and hiring additional staff, and it would just break his heart if I refused his kind offer. But after all, this is my wedding and shouldn’t I be able to truly have the wedding of my dreams?

— Torn in Bensonhurst

Dear Torn: I have an awesome idea, and frankly, I am surprised you weren’t able to see this obvious solution on your own. Take the money that you’re not spending on renting a reception hall and properly “thank” your uncle by offering to pay for renovations at his catering hall (I am sure he’s owned it for many years and it is probably overdue for a facelift anyway). And make sure you insist that the hall’s new look be in the art deco style. This way, you keep your uncle happy and you get to have that art deco style venue that you so deeply desire. And if he refuses your kind offer, then he is a hypocrite and you should disinvite him from the wedding.

As for your wedding guests who will have to sojourn down to Sheepshead Bay, your friend was right—sending your wedding guests on the subway is trés gauche. I have a better idea. Gift your guests with pre-paid American Express gift cards enclosed with a note instructing them to use it for an Uber X down to your uncle’s catering hall. That’s class. Cheers!

 

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