From the vIRTEgo Circus Lost and Found Bin...

Boys and Girls! 

We hope you are all enjoying our vIRTEgo Circus! Occasionally, one of our very welcome and esteemed guests gets a bit distracted by all the amazing sites, marvelous midway games and many sideshow attractions and will misplace a special personal item. Fret not! We hold on to everything at Lost and Found! We have been hanging on to the diary of one particular soul for some time. If you recognize the writing, please report to Ringmaster Lucy Knight. We'll be happy to offer you free ride on our Carousel for your pain.

Yours,

vIRTEgo Circus Management

vIRTEgo Circus

Final Performances 

March 15 & 16, 2024

8:00-9:30pm

The Producers Club, 358 West 44th Street

Between 8th & 9th Ave

New York, NY

Tickets: $20 on-line, $25 cash only at the door

https://www.irteinfo.com/tickets

A Simple Pumpkin Pie Recipe for Thanksgiving

IRTE cast member Natalie (the Recipe) Hunter shares a very easy-to make and uncomplicated Thanksgiving Recipe she found in Stuart Marfa's Real Simple Woman's Healthy Day Magazine.

Pumpkin Pie Recipe

The air is crisp, the leaves are falling. Ah, yes, my friends. It’s that time of year again. Autumn.

This time of year always reminds me of when my husband went off to war. The day was November 10th. Thanksgiving was around the corner and his favorite dish I would prepare is my pumpkin pie.

So I cooked one up the night before he was meant to leave for the war after he had fallen asleep. Admittedly, I couldn’t remember what time his flight was but I knew it was in the wee hours of the morning. I didn’t want to wake him up so instead I would get up every hour on the hour to pop the pumpkin pie back in the oven to keep it warm and keep the pumpkin scent going.

With each hour that passed by, I grew wearier. So much so that I mistakenly put my cat sitting beside the delectable dessert into the oven. I had nodded off in front of the oven and woke up to the sound of my cat desperately yowling and clawing at the door.

I grabbed my oven mitts and pulled out my slightly singed cat, Reginald, out of the oven. Somehow my husband had slept through the commotion but my five children came stampeding down the stairs.

Once assuring everything was ok, Little Timmy noticed my frazzled state and suggested I have some of my special mommy juice. It was the smartest thing he had said all year. I popped the pie back in the oven, sent my little ones to bed and drank a few bottles of wine to calm my nerves.

I awoke on the couch to my husband coming down the stairs. I asked him what time it was and he informed me that it was 6:45 AM of the following day. He explained to me that I had been passed out on the couch all day but luckily, I had gotten the date wrong and he was actually leaving today. 

He also notified me that he had woken up to the smell of burning ambrosia and the sound of the fire alarm, which I had somehow slept through. I apologized profusely and offered to make him a new pumpkin pie. But he explained that he had eaten the burnt pie and that he had liked it better that way. He told me it was the best ambrosia I ever made.

Before he left for the war, I kissed him on the cheek as our five children ran to his feet and wrapped their little bodies around his legs. They begged him not to leave but he told them he had an important duty to fulfill.

Miraculously, he was only gone a fortnight and made it home for Thanksgiving. He said he completed his militaristic responsibilities but may be drafted again any day now. I was just relieved he found an opportunity to do something meaningful and wasn’t cheating on me again.

Anyway, here’s the new and improved recipe for my world-famous pumpkin pie.

Pumpkin Pie

2 eggs
1/2 cup sugar
1 teaspoon ground cinnamon
1/2 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon ground ginger
1/8 teaspoon ground cloves
1 can (15 oz) pumpkin
1 can (12 oz) evaporated milk 

3 bottles of wine

1 resilient cat 

3 cups tears

Leave in oven for 28 hours. Ignore smoke alarm.

What's cooking at IRTE this November? Find out at...

Fridays and Saturdays. 

November 10, 11, 17 & 18,

December 1, 2, 8 & 9, 2023

8:00-9:30pm

The Producers Club, 358 West 44th Street

Between 9th & 10th Ave

New York, NY

Tickets: $20 on-line, $25 cash only at the door

https://www.irteinfo.com/tickets

An open letter from L. Harris

To Whom it May Concern:

I know you might be finding me one day, alone and deceased in this Apt 19D so I wanted to explain a few things…..

I’ve lived here for so long, I don’t even remember how it got to this state of disarray.

When I first moved in, it was totally empty and filled with possibilities.

I really tried to keep up with housekeeping but as you can see, did not do well with that.

I have a hard time throwing anything away.  What if I need a box that size to store something in the future -or if I need to send a package to someone?  So I just stacked everything up in piles.

The piles look neat to me - and I know where everything is - but to someone from the outside it just looks like a mess.

This is why I never invited anyone over for dinner or just to hang out - I mean years ago when I was more social.

I was embarrassed to have anyone else see it.

But I know that some day I will be gone, and none of this stuff will matter.

Not the newspapers, the magazines, the boxes, the empty coffee cans, the souvenirs from Coney Island, the mug with the broken handle, the calendars that I couldn’t bear to part with because what if I needed to remember when my last dentist appointment was?

I never really got the knack of digital calendars so I just kept with the regular ones.

I did get used to online shopping but that just caused more problems. When the packages came and the product wasn’t what I expected, I never returned it I just saved it in the pile thinking well maybe one day I would find use for it.

Probably I inherited these traits from my parents because they were very nostalgic about things and kept every letter they ever received, every greeting card, every gift they gave each other too.

I was watching a show about some Royal funeral procession and everything was so ornate and there were thousands of people attending the funeral in a huge church.

It got me thinking about when I go - say I die alone in this apartment….. Who will miss me? How long will it be before someone finds me?  At that point it won’t matter to me because I’ll be gone.

As they look through the apartment they will find all the material items, but won’t know what each of them meant to me at some point in my life - what sentimental value they have.

One thing I do hope is that maybe the pigeons who always fly around outside my window will know when I pass…. And they will gather on the windowsill one time in a solemn memorial to me.  Then they will fly away and look for another apartment windowsill where someone leaves the stale bread for them, and maybe become a friend to someone lonely.

Sincerely,

L. Harris

Apt. 19D

Fridays and Saturdays. 

Remaining shows

February 24, 25, March 3, 4, 10 & 11

8:00-9:30pm

The Producers Club, 358 West 44th Street

Between 9th & 10th Ave

New York, NY

Tickets: $20 on-line, $25 cash only at the door

https://www.irteinfo.com/tickets

From the Forgotten Blog of Dylan Hoover

Like, greetings to anyone that might be reading this.

This is Dylan Hoover, and I’m stoked to have found a spot that still has a working phone line so I can dialup on something Dr. Truman is calling a "modem" and send an "electronic mail" letter to the universe.

Life has been pretty tough since you know, the apocalypse, but I’m making it work. I don’t know who else is even like, alive, other than my mom and our neighbors the Trumans. The Trumans are rad, but especially Skyler. We’re like, totally meant to be and I can’t imagine the end of civilization without her.

Skyler, my Dream Girl

Skyler's little sis

She has this weird sister though who like, totally freaks me out. I’m always nice to her to her face though, because that’s the kind of guy I am. But it’s like… she has some sort of power or something and everyone is always acting real careful around her. She’s not like any other girl I’ve met, but like, not in a good way I guess? Sometimes she goes a little crazy but luckily there’s this rocker dude who can calm her down by playing music. The Trumans keep him as a prisoner but it seems to work for him. Sometimes they give him food if they find rodents to cook.

Andie's chill pill

Mom and me

He’s like her version of taking a chill pill or something; I don’t really get it. But I guess I’m glad they’re all there though. Sometimes they have other food that my mom and I can get in on, or take when they’re not looking. There’s a way into their basement that we found, which is good for us but like, totally dumb of them to not have good security during a robot war apocalypse. Like, get with it.

Last week I found a can of tomato paste down there and brought it to Skyler as a present. We opened it and ate it together by the light of the fire down by the highway that’s been burning for months now. She’s totally into me. 

I spend the rest of my time working out and getting strong. I know Skyler likes it, and I guess it’s good for fighting the robots if there’s a Robot War 2. Or at least I can like, protect us and keep us alive now. If I’m the only guy around I might as well be the hottest guy around too.

Dr. and Mrs. T

This modem is making a weird sound– I think it’s gonna disconnect in a sec. I don’t know if I’ll get back here, but if you want you can IM me at DHbball69. Later.

Did Dylan survive..?

Find out at...

Fridays and Saturdays. 

Remaining shows

November 18, 19, December 2 and 3, 2022

8:00-9:30pm

The Producers Club, 358 West 44th Street

Between 9th & 10th Ave

New York, NY

Tickets: $20 on-line, $25 cash only at the door

https://www.irteinfo.com/tickets

From the Personal and Very Private Diary of Ronnie Clucker

 

Ronnie is very excited to attend her first party. 

Ever.

Come meet all the Cluckers and Tuckers at...

Fridays and Saturdays

February 11, 12, 18, 19, 25 & 26, 2022

March 4 & 5, 2022
8:00pm-9:30pm
Tickets $20 Online / $25 Cash Only at the Door
​
MONDAY FEBRUARY 14, 2022 - SPECIAL VALENTINE'S DAY SHOW!
Tickets $30 Online / $40 Cash Only at the Door

The Producers Club

358 West 44th Street

Between 8th and 9th Avenue

New York, NY

​

www.irteinfo.com

From the Diary of Midge Murphy, Concerned Social Worker...

Dear Diary,

I am concerned about Ernestine, as any competent social worker, like myself, would be. Ernestine McCluskey, my neighbor and someone I happen to have an open case file on, is worrisome. 

She hasn’t gotten dressed in a long time. Maybe for the past two years she has been in that same nightgown. Amazingly it is not a ratty, torn up old rag. Remarkably she doesn’t smell, in fact, she has a faint scent of lavender. That time I spent hovering under my covers in Brad’s old T shirt for weeks on end I started to smell, like an over ripe puddle of sad.

Maybe she changes her nightgown often, or has many in the same exact style. That must be it. And she does not comb her hair. Well, neither do I, really. I just let it air dry when I do wash it then I try to pin it into some semblance of order with bobby pins. Luckily, I wear a hat.

Nothing about Ernestine’s life seems to be in order. Her youngest child has disappeared. That child had been oddly upbeat all the time and truly believed that the father, James McCluskey Sr. was away at sleep away camp. No the father has been in prison.

Oh what a sad way for a couple to separate. Not as sad as how my husband, Brad separated from me. One night, Brad comes into our kitchen just as I got the potatoes mashed up in the most perfect way - with butter and a bit of milk - just perfect. In he bursts, talking a mile a minute, opening drawers, cabinets and then rustling around in the open junk drawer, still blabbing away about not being happy. More complaints about not being able to find the GD extra car key then suddenly he waves the GD key in front of my face and says “That’s it, Midge, I am leaving you.” And he stormed out. There I was, holding the potatoes masher and all I could say was “but dinner is ready.”

Oh My God. The nerve. I mean, butter and milk - just perfect. For him. 

Oh such an underhanded move. Oh… What… a… the nerve.

Oh Diary, oh crap. Focus Midge…

So back to the McCluskey’s and their angst. Their other wild child Tiffani Diamond, is 14 years old going on 32. She smokes. She does. I can smell her cigarettes when I peek over the hedge. Smoking. Soon she’ll be smoking marijuana. Then heroin.

And she seems to love alcohol too. I don’t think Ernestine has any control over Tiffani. Or if Ernestine even cares anymore. As a mother, that scares me. I know my daughter Megan idolizes Tiffani. So I am making sure that Megan has a strict curfew for the rest of her life. I never should have let Megan attend the sleep over. Who knows what crazy ideas those kids fed her? I bet they drank.

And that weird clown lady always seems to always be around. She flirts with James Senior so openly, at least when I was looking through the fence. I wonder if she knows the he and I had a wild flirtation over my mashed potatoes one Thanksgiving.

Oh Diary, I am distracted by a man. A man dressed in orange, the color of fall. Which might be what I am doing… Falling. Or failing? As a friend and a social worker… Oy.

Okay Dear Diary to clear my mood here’s a joke I thought up for the open mic I will attend: What do you get when you cross a nightgown with a microphone? Ernestine McCluskey doing stand up! Hee hee!

Dear Diary, it is so good to laugh. It helps.

Sincerely,

Midge Murphy

Should Midge worry? 

Come find out at...

Fridays and Saturdays. 

Remaining shows

November 5, 6,12 & 13

8:00-9:30pm

The Producers Club, 358 West 44th Street

Between 9th & 10th Ave

New York, NY

Tickets: $20 on-line, $25 cash only at the door

www.irteinfo.com

Finding the Perfect Diner

Hot Tips from Natalie, the Travel Hunter! 

It's always fun to dine on the edge...

Tickets: $18 on-line, $20 at the door