Top tips for arranging your work from home setup 

By Natalie Hunter

 

The year is 2020. You didn’t think it’d come to this. You thought surely your micromanager boss who constantly breathes down your neck would rather wear ten masks then let you work from home. And he probably would, but it’s out of his hands now. Dr. Fauci and Andrew “Lov Gov” Cuomo have said your office is unsafe and you’ll be working from home for an indefinite amount of time. No awkward water cooler chatter or having to pick out the bottom half of your outfit? You could get used to this. But your coffee table and an egg chair isn’t going to cut it as a workspace. Here’s how to turn your living/eating/sleeping space into your work space as well. 

 

Ultimate appearance enhancer

Now that you’ll be doing all of your communication through Zoom, you’ll want to look your best. Filters are a dangerous game because with one slip of the finger, you could turn yourself into a fish rather than enhancing your features. Instead, invest in a ring light. Since they’re all the rage, they may be hard to get your hands on for some time. In the meantime, order a donut from Dunkin Donuts on Grubhub and attach a flashlight.

 

Key to a healthy lifestyle

Working from home means less walking from the subway or parking lot to your office. That’s ok. Now you can do two of life’s most pleasurable activities at the same time — working and working out. That’s right. With an under-the-desk treadmill, you can now squeeze in a brisk jog while typing out expense reports. No one will ever notice how winded you sound while taking phone calls and they certainly won’t think you’re up to anything inappropriate. For the overachievers, you can take your desk side fitness to the next level by investing in a human hamster wheel.

Source of Nutrition

One aspect of the office you may find yourself missing is the vending machine. Fear not! You can recreate the glorious sensation of watching your favorite snack be dispensed to you. Get yourself and automatic cat feeder for your at-home desk. You can set it up to release chips, jellybeans or whatever your favorite treat is on the hour and one will be there to watch you shamefully shove your face in it. Plus, you won’t need to get up and decrease productivity! Yay!

 

Pet-friendly set-up

Your cat may be upset that you snagged its automatic feeder. That’s ok. You can make up for it. Once you start doing 5 zoom calls a day, your cat will realize that pulling focus by meowing, crawling across the keyboard and “accidentally” hitting the unmute button during these calls will be the best way to be disruptive. So why not embrace it? Get your cat a pedestal so it can be the center of attention during every zoom call. Maybe your boss will be distracted by the cuteness of your cat and forget about that presentation that was due?

Congrats! Your at-home cubicle is ready to go! How long will you be here for? Who knows? So get comfy!

So helpful, right?! These gems of wisdom must surely have prepared you for IRTE's REMOTE!

Fridays and Saturdays 

November 8, 9, 15, 16, 22 & 23

December 6 & 7, 2024

8:00-9:30pm

The Producers Club, 358 West 44th Street

Between 9th & 10th Ave

New York, NY

Tickets: $20 on-line, $25 cash only at the door

https://www.irteinfo.com/tickets

Experience the S.S. Maximamoolah

Never has there been a cruise ship the size of the SS Maximamoolah.

Soooooo big, one camera can't capture it all!

No other vessel on the seven seas rival it in luxury or expanse. Boasting no less than

seventeen turbine engines designed by Elon Mush, it is the fastest boat of its size. Its
specially heated prow can melt ice for an Antarctic adventure, or hatch Condor eggs
without the help of a mother Condor. Now that makes for a hearty breakfast in any one
of the 32 eating establishments throughout the 44 decks. The dining in the main ball
room has been prepared especially for your journey by none other than James Beer
Award winner Mario Battalion.

Endangered Species Treats!

There isn’t just food aboard the Maximamoolah, but a new world of fun.
There are movie theaters plus IMAX on board. A cabaret, and a Broadway sized theatre
with three balconies. This summer’s entertainment includes the beautiful vocal shadings
of Tym Moss straight out of Manhattan.
But, performing arts aren’t the only fun you’ll have on board.
Gamble at the casino, or at the Jai Alai court on S, T, F and U decks. Have fun on the
water slide, or feed the exotic wild cats in the first floating animal park!

Oops! Look who's using the pool!

Come join the fun and sun on board the SS Maximamoolah! Sea-ing is Believing!

The SS Maximamoolah sets sail in IRTE's

THE SHIP BE SINKIN'

April 5, 6, 12 & 13, 8:00 pm

 The Producers Club, 358 West 44th Street
between 9th and 10th Avenue
New York, NY


 Tickets: $15 on-line, $17 at the door

Ripped from the Floorboards…

Sci-Fi-Q Gets Lost in IRTE’s The Experiment
By Jeremy Binderhull

His body was found stiff and cold, burn marks around his face and neck. But this didn’t look like any electrocution Chet had ever seen, and he’d witnessed a lot of them during his six years onboard the USS Juno, first transwarp space vessel in the fleet. A hazard of the job, engineering on one of the most complex machines in the known galaxy. Electrocutions were as common as airlock drills. This was something different, something Chet couldn’t wrap his wrench around. One thing was certain, Captain Rosin was dead and something strange and terrifying was going on.

~ ~ ~

This scene is just one example of what you might witness when you attend one of IRTE’s performances of their sci-fi comedy thriller, The Experiment, at this year’s Asheville Fringe Arts Festival.

Performing for two nights during the 4-day festival, the Improvisational Repertory Theatre Ensemble mixes comedy improv and science fiction in their unique brand of improvisational theater. The troupe works without a script, crafting their character relationships and stories onstage before your very eyes.

Last year IRTE won the award for “Artists Whose Work Made Me Laugh The Most” for their improvisational birthday party extravaganza, Happy Birthday, Stupid Kid! Their production for the 2018 festival (the 16th annual Asheville Fringe Arts Festival!) is a decidedly different show. Thanks to their director writing up his impressions from some of the ensemble’s rehearsals (yes, they do rehearse for their unscripted shows), we have a few more glimpses into the possible worlds awaiting audience members who dare to submit themselves to "The Experiment"... Enjoy!

~ ~ ~

Is he gone yet? I don’t hear any footsteps. He must be gone.

"He"? Why do you keep saying “he”? You saw that thing same as I did. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t know if I can call it a “he” or anything else I’ve ever known.

Did you just hear a chicken?

~ ~ ~

She gazed deep into my eyes. I could smell her breath. She’d had some of Charlie’s four-alarm chili. That was when I knew she was still human, still one of us.

~ ~ ~

Strange going-on in the mountains of western North Carolina...

Kids gone missing up in the foothills outside of Waynesville, Asheville, and Fletcher. Reports of bizarre sounds and eerie lights. These are the things that keep residents ever watchful and neighbors banding together to solve a problem local authorities seem unable to. With the winter chill firmly taken hold in these small, mountain communities, folks aren’t taking any chances. People are taking things into their own hands, and it’s about to get messy.

~ ~ ~

Find out what happens, and be a part of the action at IRTE’s The Experiment, presented by the Asheville Fringe Arts Festival

Featuring Actors: Nannette Deasy, Robert Baumgardner, Jamie Maloney, Connie Perry, and Sam Katz

Directed by Bill Berg

With Musical Guest Mike Andersen and Friends

Thursday, January 25 at 7 p.m.
Saturday, January 27 at 7 p.m.
Sly Grog Lounge, 271 Haywood St, Asheville, NC

Tickets: $13

http://www.ashevillefringe.org/events/irte-presents-experiment/

Innies vs Outies

The Great Introvert/Extrovert Debate

By Ima Shyone

Would I - a socially skeptical, self-proclaimed introvert - be willing to participate in a Game Show…are you crazy?

Really?  The prize is a fully funded year alone on a deserted island?  You have no idea how much I need that...if I don’t get space and solitude soon I may have an unobtrusive and quietly painful nervous breakdown...I’m desperate so -

Yes, I will do it!

Please note that I don’t throw around exclamation points every day – and this is completely out of my comfort zone - but in this case I’m all in.  For the record as an introvert, in my way, I’m often all in.  It’s just hard to tell.  It’s not really hostile.

Belly buttoned-up!

Even my bellybutton is an innie.  I wonder if all introverts are innies?  And are all extroverts outies?  Naval introspection aside, I need this year alone on a deserted island.

So I will be a contestant on the game show AVOIDANCE!  If the other introverts on the show can deal with the cruel torture of being exposed to loud buzzers and assorted extrovert exuberance and inappropriate lack of boundaries and general obnoxious in-your-face behavior, so can I. 

Out and proud!

Hold on…my enthusiastic extroverted cousin, Buddy Friendly, just texted me that he is in fact, an outie.  So maybe there is some science behind the bellybutton question…hmmm, a lot of extroverts wear clothes proudly displaying the navel so surveys for research on the subject could be easily available….I will pose it to the powers that be in the inner workings of the trivia world.

By the way, my cousin Buddy Friendly is delighted that I will be on a game show.  He and his 8 year old son Mikey want to attend.  Mikey is still young so he hasn’t completely  perfected the social dictates of congeniality and perhaps he will bloom into a careful and discerning introvert like his Aunt Ima.  One never knows how kids might turn out.  Apparently I was a love bug when I was 2 years old.  So odd.  Well, I will have a close look at Mikey’s bellybutton and see if it is prophetic.

Oh, speaking of 8 year old potential introverts Mikey has just asked his father to text me his thoughts on innes and outies.  (He is very bright – which is why, despite his vivaciousness, there is hope that he could use that energy to think inwardly instead of screaming).

Here is this clever 8 year old assessment of the whole Innie/Introvert vs Outie/Extrovert mystery:

Jokes by Mikey Friendly

How many extroverts does it take to change a lightbulb?

At least a dozen.  One to make the food to celebrate the cool burst of light, two to buy the drinks, and at least nine to make it a party.  Make that fifteen: someone has to actually change the bulb and two to hold the ladder. 

How many introverts does it take to change a lightbulb?

You already know the answer:  innies are electrified by doing things on their own.  So yes, one.  Well, maybe two.  One to actually change the bulb, and one to make sure no one is else is going to show up to turn one simple household task into a noisy, crowded, energy-sucking party.

Was Jackie Coogan an introvert?

Why did the extrovert cross the road?

Because there were tons more people and lots more stuff going on, on the other side, and I mean, it’s kind of yucky to just walk along by yourself.

Why did the introvert cross the road?

For sure, dude, trying to escape from the extroverts – they’re everywhere man.

Why did the introvert & the extrovert throw the alarm clock out the window?

I don’t know either. 

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Innie.

Innie who?

Innie body know where I can find a quiet little alcove with a lock on the door?

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Outie

Outie who?

‘Owdie you expect me to wait here alone for ten minutes?

Knock, knock.

Who’s there?

Orange.

Orange who?

Orange you glad I’m outie here?

Come meet all our introverted contestants at...
AVOIDANCE

Friday and Saturday nights at 8 p.m. 

May 19, 20, 26 & 27

The Producer’s Club

358 W 44th St, New York, NY

Tickets: $15

Experiment BIRTE - Good to Go!

SCI-FI-Q Gives Readers

An Inside Look at IRTE-TVs New Programming

New CEO at IRTE-TV Promises Bold New Programming

Jeremy Binderhull, Staff Writer for Sci-Fi-Q

Interviews IRTE-TV CEO Hollander Caul-de-Zak  

      

SFQ Staff file photo.

Science fiction fans respond to news from IRTE-TV with cautious anticipation.

He’s been an enigmatic presence in the regional television broadcasting industry ever since he breathed life back into dying but beloved local tv station, WXRV, thirteen short months ago, reconfiguring it as an analog/cyberspace crossover property for the digital age and renaming its flagship television brand, IRTE-TV.

Get ready to be surprised again, because Rochester’s own Rupert Murdoch is at it… again!

Hollander D. Caul-de-Zak, the brash and eccentric CEO of WXRV, and its most famous outlet, IRTE-TV, has taken a gamble with a bold new programming move. Sci-Fi Q’s award-winning blogger, Jeremy Binderhull, took a few moments the other day to sit down and stick a probe in old Hollander’s brain.

Here’s what we found out...

SFQ: (adjusting settings on recording device) Ah, let me just… Oh, we’re live - uh, we’re recording now, sir.

Caul-de-Zak: (coming at the blogger with a raised palm) I thought you told me you weren’t going to record this first part!

SFQ: Oh, I’m sorry. I thought we already finished the - I’m sorry. Here, I can turn it off.

Caul-de-Zak: Oh well! Never mind!

SFQ: What?

Caul-de-Zak: I said Go Ahead! Are you deaf?! (muttering to himself) Or just an idiot!

SFQ: What? Oh. Ok. No, sir. Ok, fine.

Hollander Caul-de-Zak sits silent, stern and stolid, not saying a word.

SFQ: Shall we continue, then? Let’s continue. Ah, I mean, where shall we begin…?

Caul-de-Zak: (twiddling his fingers as if brushing crumbs off his robe) Go ahead…

SFQ: I’m sitting here with relatively new CEO and Chief of Programming at Rochester’s own, and much beloved, WXRV, and their “offspring”, as it were… (coughs slightly) the crown jewel of Lake Ontario South Shore television programming, IRTE-TV. (covering mic and speaking directly to Mr. Caul-de-Zak) Did I say that right? Rhymes with “birdy-teevee”? (whispering) Ok, good. Thank you... Sorry.

SFQ: (clears throat) The buzz on the airwaves is you’re about to shake things up with local original and/or “renewed-retro” programming, specifically in the 5 to 9 p.m. time-slots, Monday through Wednesday, for those customers with satellite dish service or piggybacking off a strong signal from the Canada side of the lake, most likely in the Prince Edward area of the lowest southeastern portion of Ontario. That tends to give the strongest signals to us Rochesterians who like to add variety to our viewing choices… Sorry. Uh, people in the know say this is a gamble that is likely to pay off?

Caul-de-Zak: Well, I’ll tell you what, young man. I’ve been in the industry a long time for around these parts. I’ve learned a thing or two, and I know you can’t win big if you’re not willing to pony up and throw a heaping pile of chips onto the table every once in awhile.

SFQ: Yes, well people in the know are saying -

Caul-de-Zak: I know what people in the know are saying! I am People in the Know! Now let me tell you what we’re up to over here at XIRT-V - that’s what I call it, son. You can’t call it that.

SFQ: Ok, Mr. Caul-de-Zak. Of course, sir.

Caul-de-Zak: Now where was I? (twiddling his fingers again) Oh, yes. About six or seven months ago I was sitting around with my business partners, if you know what I mean, and we were discussing possible next moves for the early evening to prime time slot in our early to mid week extended programming service. And one of the guys was talking about his niece writing a story for a science fiction contest, and - oh, hell! You don’t need to know how the sausage is made! I came up with this great idea for after-school and dinner-time tv watching for our local families and extended programming tv viewers!

SFQ: Great! I’m sure our readers would love to know all about it.

Caul-de-Zak: Alright, well, it’s gonna be great!

SFQ: Great! Sir. I wonder if, perhaps, you might be able - uh, willing to share a bit more detail for our - and your - fans, sir.

Caul-de-Zak: Well, I don’t want to give too much away, but let me just say that we’re giving science fiction fans a whole new reason to tune in on weekday evenings. A whole new reason!

SFQ: Great!

Caul-de-Zak: Let me finish, son. Yes, it IS great! Now I know that nowadays young folks like their entertainment fast and cutting edge - “EXTREME!” I think they call it. People want to feel that what they’re watching is beyond real. Hell, even at the national level the lines between reality and made-up facts is getting blurred. So we’ve gone ahead a retooled many classic science fiction favorites and injected them with new life, literally! (directly to Sci-Fi Q blogger) Now this is where you ask me, “well how are you doing that?” Go ahead, now.

SFQ: Oh, now. That’s now? Ok...So, tell me sir, because I’m sure our readers are dying to know, how are you going to do that?

Caul-de-Zak: I’m glad you asked. We’ve hired a good, sturdy stable of the finest actors in the area - Regional Actors - and we’ve got them performing LIVE in front of a studio audience some of the great science fiction thrillers in motion picture history, and a few as yet unseen. And let me tell you, we’re real excited about this whole deal.

  

Regional Actors in Caul-de-Zak’s WXRV’s IRTE-TV “Experiment”

SFQ: I’ll bet you are! Oh, boy!

Caul-de-Zak: Settle down, kid!

SFQ: Sorry.

Caul-de-Zak: Anyway, as I was saying - and this bears repeating because this is major stuff happening here! We are going to broadcast a LIVE taping of a performance in front of a LIVE audience a series of sci-fi thrillers! Do you understand what I’m saying here?

SFQ: Yes, of course I do, sir!

Caul-de-Zak: This is cutting edge! This is “EXTREME”! Now print that! Or post it, or whatever it is you people do these days.

SFQ: That’s why I’m here, sir.

Caul-de-Zak: That’s why I’M here.

IRTE-TV’s thrilling new sci-fi programming, appropriately entitled The Experiment, will begin with a two-weekend premiere celebration Friday and Saturday nights at 8 p.m., April 21, 22, 28, and 29.

Watch the creepy trailer here.

Return next week when SFQ Staff Writer, Jeremy Binderhull, brings readers an exclusive super secret look into the clandestine world of “Syracuse Soothsayers,” who claim to hold the missing link between the Star Wars and Star Trek universes.

THE EXPERIMENT

Friday and Saturday nights at 8 p.m. 

April 21, 22, 28 and 29

The Producer’s Club

358 W 44th St, New York, NY

Tickets: $15

Happy Crappy Birthday!

By Jamie Maloney

This week, IRTE will be bringing its interactive birthday party show, Happy Birthday, Stupid Kid!, to the Asheville Fringe Arts Festival in North Carolina. The titular character persists in seeing his 12th Birthday in a relentlessly positive light (even as his family falls apart around him). For many of us in the cast, the show brought back some conflicted memories surrounding our childhood celebrations - the highs,the lows, the excitements, the disappointments.

Jamie Maloney elaborates...

I had birthday parties until I was eleven years old. I'll call them disappointing. The reasons were justifiable if I look at them from an adult's perspective, but at the time I was not happy. 

I lived in a neighborhood which was far from my school and relatively devoid of other kids. It also wasn't the safest area of New York City in the late 70's and early 80's. Add to this, a summer birthday, when people were away on vacation and it's easy to understand the low turnout for my parties. My parents did their best to give me happy celebrations but my social isolation left them and me ignorant of the trends and interests of kids at the time. Sitting in a circle and using teaspoons to pass a tennis ball around may have been fun in their day but the savvy kids of the 80's wanted more. And of course I was at a loss because being the weird kid in class whose living situation was a mystery and who compensated for his awkwardness by acting out didn't earn me many invites to other parties. 

One cool kid came to one party and apparently spread the word because after that my only attendees were children of my mother's friends, kids I had known since infancy and the one cousin I had who was my age until we had a falling out over a Star Wars toy when we were eight. I have old pictures of a line of shirtless boys in our backyard waiting to play another round of "catch the potato" wearing the expressions of a group of convicts before they set out for a day of hard labor, and quite a few more of me pouting in the corner.  

For my eleventh birthday (and final) childhood party, I caught on to the fact that all the kids were having their events at Laces, the local (to my school) rollerskating rink. I invited the entire class, terrified of the humiliation I was certain to endure when surely no one would show up. At the rink, with wheels on my feet and an escape route already planned, my guests started showing up. ALL of them! I was thrilled. They actually like me! I went over to some of the boys from my class to thank them for coming, but they ignored me. Some of the girls did talk to me and let me know that another boy in the class was having his birthday party at exactly the same time and that the girls and a few friendly boys were there for me and the rest were there for him. From anxious to vindicated to humiliated in the span of a minute. I parked myself in front of the Donkey Kong machine in the corner and had to be dragged physically into the back room where the cake and the presents were happening. I was done with birthday celebrations for the rest of my teen years. 

When I was 21, I decided to celebrate my birthday alone. You come into the world alone, so

why not appreciate that? I went to the movies. Alone. And why not? Why not go alone? I felt a bit conspicuous at first but I discovered my solitary viewing preference and in a roundabout way it lead me to understand and embrace my introverted nature. For my 39th I saw the original Planet of the Apes at Film Forum, followed by a showing of The Warriors in Tompkin's Square Park. In Planet of the Apes the date on the console of the ship that Charlton Heston is in at the beginning of the movie shows the date July 14, 1972, the very day I was born. I viewed it as

personal acknowledgement. And as for The Warriors, I arrived at the park about six hours early so I could get a good seat. While I was waiting I watched a little kid roller-skate in circles for about 20 minutes until he was so dizzy he couldn't stand up anymore. Now, as I look back on all those childhood parties I'm grateful for what ended up being the circular the path they put me on. But really mom and dad, potatoes?

​IRTE Presents: Happy Birthday, Stupid Kid! at the Asheville Fringe Arts Festival
THURSDAY, January 26, 2017 @ 7:00pm

SATURDAY, January 28, 2017 @7:00pm

The BeBe Theatre

20 Commerce Street

Asheville, NC 28801 

Tickets $13 

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