MacGuffin Goes Missing Causing Widespread Panic Across Town

By Bonnie Browne

Is it a bird? Is it a plane? Is it a train? We’re not entirely positive at the Wrightman Gazette. All we do know is that it is a valuable object and it has gone missing. Credible sources have disclosed that this MacGuffin was last seen at the Bates Motel on Saturday evening, hours before the Gala for Ensnared and Impoverished Horses. 

Detective Hank Hankerstein’s list of suspects

This morning we spoke with the owner’s son. We requested to speak with the mother, but Mr. Norman Bates claimed she was too “terribly disturbed by the tragedy to come down from her room.” What Bates did tell us, however, is that the only guest staying there at the time was a “beautiful blonde” who has since vanished.

So many mysterious blondes in this lineup - which one could it be?

Detective Hank Hankerstein told us that not much is known about the object other than the fact that it is of “utmost valuable” and whoever took it should come under “immediate and inscrutable suspicion.”  Head of Intelligence Chris Crossley also told us that while the mystery blonde seems like the most obvious suspect, he has not eliminated anyone as a suspect and that “absolutely everyone is under suspicion.”

This case could get deadly!

Police are currently interviewing everyone who attended the gala including wealthy widow Lucille Porter, secretary Ethel Glycol, banker Ernest Thomson and Chief Psychoanalyst at the Institute for the Mentally Ambiguous Dr. Grace Eisenfrost. Some staff working at the gala are also under investigation including Elizabeth Graham.

The gala was full of drama - but the events after the gala are turning out to be even more of a mystery!

Anyone who has any tips on what this valuable object or who may have took it, is encouraged to phone Bonnie Browne, junior reporter at the Wrightman Gazette.

Natalie Hunter contributed reporting.

An open letter from L. Harris

To Whom it May Concern:

I know you might be finding me one day, alone and deceased in this Apt 19D so I wanted to explain a few things…..

I’ve lived here for so long, I don’t even remember how it got to this state of disarray.

When I first moved in, it was totally empty and filled with possibilities.

I really tried to keep up with housekeeping but as you can see, did not do well with that.

I have a hard time throwing anything away.  What if I need a box that size to store something in the future -or if I need to send a package to someone?  So I just stacked everything up in piles.

The piles look neat to me - and I know where everything is - but to someone from the outside it just looks like a mess.

This is why I never invited anyone over for dinner or just to hang out - I mean years ago when I was more social.

I was embarrassed to have anyone else see it.

But I know that some day I will be gone, and none of this stuff will matter.

Not the newspapers, the magazines, the boxes, the empty coffee cans, the souvenirs from Coney Island, the mug with the broken handle, the calendars that I couldn’t bear to part with because what if I needed to remember when my last dentist appointment was?

I never really got the knack of digital calendars so I just kept with the regular ones.

I did get used to online shopping but that just caused more problems. When the packages came and the product wasn’t what I expected, I never returned it I just saved it in the pile thinking well maybe one day I would find use for it.

Probably I inherited these traits from my parents because they were very nostalgic about things and kept every letter they ever received, every greeting card, every gift they gave each other too.

I was watching a show about some Royal funeral procession and everything was so ornate and there were thousands of people attending the funeral in a huge church.

It got me thinking about when I go - say I die alone in this apartment….. Who will miss me? How long will it be before someone finds me?  At that point it won’t matter to me because I’ll be gone.

As they look through the apartment they will find all the material items, but won’t know what each of them meant to me at some point in my life - what sentimental value they have.

One thing I do hope is that maybe the pigeons who always fly around outside my window will know when I pass…. And they will gather on the windowsill one time in a solemn memorial to me.  Then they will fly away and look for another apartment windowsill where someone leaves the stale bread for them, and maybe become a friend to someone lonely.

Sincerely,

L. Harris

Apt. 19D

Fridays and Saturdays. 

Remaining shows

February 24, 25, March 3, 4, 10 & 11

8:00-9:30pm

The Producers Club, 358 West 44th Street

Between 9th & 10th Ave

New York, NY

Tickets: $20 on-line, $25 cash only at the door

https://www.irteinfo.com/tickets

From the Personal and Very Private Diary of Ronnie Clucker

 

Ronnie is very excited to attend her first party. 

Ever.

Come meet all the Cluckers and Tuckers at...

Fridays and Saturdays

February 11, 12, 18, 19, 25 & 26, 2022

March 4 & 5, 2022
8:00pm-9:30pm
Tickets $20 Online / $25 Cash Only at the Door
​
MONDAY FEBRUARY 14, 2022 - SPECIAL VALENTINE'S DAY SHOW!
Tickets $30 Online / $40 Cash Only at the Door

The Producers Club

358 West 44th Street

Between 8th and 9th Avenue

New York, NY

​

www.irteinfo.com

Experience the S.S. Maximamoolah

Never has there been a cruise ship the size of the SS Maximamoolah.

Soooooo big, one camera can't capture it all!

No other vessel on the seven seas rival it in luxury or expanse. Boasting no less than

seventeen turbine engines designed by Elon Mush, it is the fastest boat of its size. Its
specially heated prow can melt ice for an Antarctic adventure, or hatch Condor eggs
without the help of a mother Condor. Now that makes for a hearty breakfast in any one
of the 32 eating establishments throughout the 44 decks. The dining in the main ball
room has been prepared especially for your journey by none other than James Beer
Award winner Mario Battalion.

Endangered Species Treats!

There isn’t just food aboard the Maximamoolah, but a new world of fun.
There are movie theaters plus IMAX on board. A cabaret, and a Broadway sized theatre
with three balconies. This summer’s entertainment includes the beautiful vocal shadings
of Tym Moss straight out of Manhattan.
But, performing arts aren’t the only fun you’ll have on board.
Gamble at the casino, or at the Jai Alai court on S, T, F and U decks. Have fun on the
water slide, or feed the exotic wild cats in the first floating animal park!

Oops! Look who's using the pool!

Come join the fun and sun on board the SS Maximamoolah! Sea-ing is Believing!

The SS Maximamoolah sets sail in IRTE's

THE SHIP BE SINKIN'

April 5, 6, 12 & 13, 8:00 pm

 The Producers Club, 358 West 44th Street
between 9th and 10th Avenue
New York, NY


 Tickets: $15 on-line, $17 at the door

David Jay's DIY Paper Craft Game - Bachelorette Party FUN!

Have you ever wanted to make a fun DIY paper craft game for a bachelorette party? Of course you haven't. But now you can, with...

David Jay's Penis Ring Toss Game. 

And you'll be the most popular person there!
Watch the exciting video tutorial, and print out the instructions and template here: http://tinyurl.com/y3crbtvg

And if you're in New York City, see Tammy's Bachelorette, a hilarious comedy improv show by IRTE and David Jay as the "Adult Entertainment."

March 8, 9, 15, 16, 2019. 

Tix and info at: https://www.irteinfo.com/tickets/Tammys-Bachelorette-p129993812

Ripped from the Floorboards…

Sci-Fi-Q Gets Lost in IRTE’s The Experiment
By Jeremy Binderhull

His body was found stiff and cold, burn marks around his face and neck. But this didn’t look like any electrocution Chet had ever seen, and he’d witnessed a lot of them during his six years onboard the USS Juno, first transwarp space vessel in the fleet. A hazard of the job, engineering on one of the most complex machines in the known galaxy. Electrocutions were as common as airlock drills. This was something different, something Chet couldn’t wrap his wrench around. One thing was certain, Captain Rosin was dead and something strange and terrifying was going on.

~ ~ ~

This scene is just one example of what you might witness when you attend one of IRTE’s performances of their sci-fi comedy thriller, The Experiment, at this year’s Asheville Fringe Arts Festival.

Performing for two nights during the 4-day festival, the Improvisational Repertory Theatre Ensemble mixes comedy improv and science fiction in their unique brand of improvisational theater. The troupe works without a script, crafting their character relationships and stories onstage before your very eyes.

Last year IRTE won the award for “Artists Whose Work Made Me Laugh The Most” for their improvisational birthday party extravaganza, Happy Birthday, Stupid Kid! Their production for the 2018 festival (the 16th annual Asheville Fringe Arts Festival!) is a decidedly different show. Thanks to their director writing up his impressions from some of the ensemble’s rehearsals (yes, they do rehearse for their unscripted shows), we have a few more glimpses into the possible worlds awaiting audience members who dare to submit themselves to "The Experiment"... Enjoy!

~ ~ ~

Is he gone yet? I don’t hear any footsteps. He must be gone.

"He"? Why do you keep saying “he”? You saw that thing same as I did. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t know if I can call it a “he” or anything else I’ve ever known.

Did you just hear a chicken?

~ ~ ~

She gazed deep into my eyes. I could smell her breath. She’d had some of Charlie’s four-alarm chili. That was when I knew she was still human, still one of us.

~ ~ ~

Strange going-on in the mountains of western North Carolina...

Kids gone missing up in the foothills outside of Waynesville, Asheville, and Fletcher. Reports of bizarre sounds and eerie lights. These are the things that keep residents ever watchful and neighbors banding together to solve a problem local authorities seem unable to. With the winter chill firmly taken hold in these small, mountain communities, folks aren’t taking any chances. People are taking things into their own hands, and it’s about to get messy.

~ ~ ~

Find out what happens, and be a part of the action at IRTE’s The Experiment, presented by the Asheville Fringe Arts Festival

Featuring Actors: Nannette Deasy, Robert Baumgardner, Jamie Maloney, Connie Perry, and Sam Katz

Directed by Bill Berg

With Musical Guest Mike Andersen and Friends

Thursday, January 25 at 7 p.m.
Saturday, January 27 at 7 p.m.
Sly Grog Lounge, 271 Haywood St, Asheville, NC

Tickets: $13

http://www.ashevillefringe.org/events/irte-presents-experiment/

Experiment BIRTE - Good to Go!

SCI-FI-Q Gives Readers

An Inside Look at IRTE-TVs New Programming

New CEO at IRTE-TV Promises Bold New Programming

Jeremy Binderhull, Staff Writer for Sci-Fi-Q

Interviews IRTE-TV CEO Hollander Caul-de-Zak  

      

SFQ Staff file photo.

Science fiction fans respond to news from IRTE-TV with cautious anticipation.

He’s been an enigmatic presence in the regional television broadcasting industry ever since he breathed life back into dying but beloved local tv station, WXRV, thirteen short months ago, reconfiguring it as an analog/cyberspace crossover property for the digital age and renaming its flagship television brand, IRTE-TV.

Get ready to be surprised again, because Rochester’s own Rupert Murdoch is at it… again!

Hollander D. Caul-de-Zak, the brash and eccentric CEO of WXRV, and its most famous outlet, IRTE-TV, has taken a gamble with a bold new programming move. Sci-Fi Q’s award-winning blogger, Jeremy Binderhull, took a few moments the other day to sit down and stick a probe in old Hollander’s brain.

Here’s what we found out...

SFQ: (adjusting settings on recording device) Ah, let me just… Oh, we’re live - uh, we’re recording now, sir.

Caul-de-Zak: (coming at the blogger with a raised palm) I thought you told me you weren’t going to record this first part!

SFQ: Oh, I’m sorry. I thought we already finished the - I’m sorry. Here, I can turn it off.

Caul-de-Zak: Oh well! Never mind!

SFQ: What?

Caul-de-Zak: I said Go Ahead! Are you deaf?! (muttering to himself) Or just an idiot!

SFQ: What? Oh. Ok. No, sir. Ok, fine.

Hollander Caul-de-Zak sits silent, stern and stolid, not saying a word.

SFQ: Shall we continue, then? Let’s continue. Ah, I mean, where shall we begin…?

Caul-de-Zak: (twiddling his fingers as if brushing crumbs off his robe) Go ahead…

SFQ: I’m sitting here with relatively new CEO and Chief of Programming at Rochester’s own, and much beloved, WXRV, and their “offspring”, as it were… (coughs slightly) the crown jewel of Lake Ontario South Shore television programming, IRTE-TV. (covering mic and speaking directly to Mr. Caul-de-Zak) Did I say that right? Rhymes with “birdy-teevee”? (whispering) Ok, good. Thank you... Sorry.

SFQ: (clears throat) The buzz on the airwaves is you’re about to shake things up with local original and/or “renewed-retro” programming, specifically in the 5 to 9 p.m. time-slots, Monday through Wednesday, for those customers with satellite dish service or piggybacking off a strong signal from the Canada side of the lake, most likely in the Prince Edward area of the lowest southeastern portion of Ontario. That tends to give the strongest signals to us Rochesterians who like to add variety to our viewing choices… Sorry. Uh, people in the know say this is a gamble that is likely to pay off?

Caul-de-Zak: Well, I’ll tell you what, young man. I’ve been in the industry a long time for around these parts. I’ve learned a thing or two, and I know you can’t win big if you’re not willing to pony up and throw a heaping pile of chips onto the table every once in awhile.

SFQ: Yes, well people in the know are saying -

Caul-de-Zak: I know what people in the know are saying! I am People in the Know! Now let me tell you what we’re up to over here at XIRT-V - that’s what I call it, son. You can’t call it that.

SFQ: Ok, Mr. Caul-de-Zak. Of course, sir.

Caul-de-Zak: Now where was I? (twiddling his fingers again) Oh, yes. About six or seven months ago I was sitting around with my business partners, if you know what I mean, and we were discussing possible next moves for the early evening to prime time slot in our early to mid week extended programming service. And one of the guys was talking about his niece writing a story for a science fiction contest, and - oh, hell! You don’t need to know how the sausage is made! I came up with this great idea for after-school and dinner-time tv watching for our local families and extended programming tv viewers!

SFQ: Great! I’m sure our readers would love to know all about it.

Caul-de-Zak: Alright, well, it’s gonna be great!

SFQ: Great! Sir. I wonder if, perhaps, you might be able - uh, willing to share a bit more detail for our - and your - fans, sir.

Caul-de-Zak: Well, I don’t want to give too much away, but let me just say that we’re giving science fiction fans a whole new reason to tune in on weekday evenings. A whole new reason!

SFQ: Great!

Caul-de-Zak: Let me finish, son. Yes, it IS great! Now I know that nowadays young folks like their entertainment fast and cutting edge - “EXTREME!” I think they call it. People want to feel that what they’re watching is beyond real. Hell, even at the national level the lines between reality and made-up facts is getting blurred. So we’ve gone ahead a retooled many classic science fiction favorites and injected them with new life, literally! (directly to Sci-Fi Q blogger) Now this is where you ask me, “well how are you doing that?” Go ahead, now.

SFQ: Oh, now. That’s now? Ok...So, tell me sir, because I’m sure our readers are dying to know, how are you going to do that?

Caul-de-Zak: I’m glad you asked. We’ve hired a good, sturdy stable of the finest actors in the area - Regional Actors - and we’ve got them performing LIVE in front of a studio audience some of the great science fiction thrillers in motion picture history, and a few as yet unseen. And let me tell you, we’re real excited about this whole deal.

  

Regional Actors in Caul-de-Zak’s WXRV’s IRTE-TV “Experiment”

SFQ: I’ll bet you are! Oh, boy!

Caul-de-Zak: Settle down, kid!

SFQ: Sorry.

Caul-de-Zak: Anyway, as I was saying - and this bears repeating because this is major stuff happening here! We are going to broadcast a LIVE taping of a performance in front of a LIVE audience a series of sci-fi thrillers! Do you understand what I’m saying here?

SFQ: Yes, of course I do, sir!

Caul-de-Zak: This is cutting edge! This is “EXTREME”! Now print that! Or post it, or whatever it is you people do these days.

SFQ: That’s why I’m here, sir.

Caul-de-Zak: That’s why I’M here.

IRTE-TV’s thrilling new sci-fi programming, appropriately entitled The Experiment, will begin with a two-weekend premiere celebration Friday and Saturday nights at 8 p.m., April 21, 22, 28, and 29.

Watch the creepy trailer here.

Return next week when SFQ Staff Writer, Jeremy Binderhull, brings readers an exclusive super secret look into the clandestine world of “Syracuse Soothsayers,” who claim to hold the missing link between the Star Wars and Star Trek universes.

THE EXPERIMENT

Friday and Saturday nights at 8 p.m. 

April 21, 22, 28 and 29

The Producer’s Club

358 W 44th St, New York, NY

Tickets: $15

Help Us to Continue Bringing Good Cheer in the New Year!

Dear Friend,

We had a great season this past year, producing four different shows. Plus, we're doing our best to reach audiences outside of New York City, as well. In January, we're performing at the Asheville Fringe Festival. So, if you live in or near NC, now's your chance to check us out live and in person!

For the upcoming 2017 season, the IRTE elves have opened their workshop, and are hard at work making plans for four new improvised shows. They're hoping to bring entertainment and laughter to all, and give everyone some relief from the past year.

We can't do this without contributions from people like you who want to share terrific, zany, live comedy and who want to make sure it's affordable for everybody.

If you weren't able to take part in our 2016 Indiegogo fundraiser, and would like to see  small, independent theatre thrive, there is still time to make a tax deductible gift to IRTE in 2016 through our fiscal sponsor, Fractured Atlas. To give a gift to IRTE during this charitable time of year, please go to the Fractured Atlas IRTE page and make a tax deductible donation on-line. If you prefer, you can also donate by check. Please send contributions to IRTE c/o Robert Baumgardner, 10 W 66 St, #19-H, New York, NY 10023. Checks should be made payable to Fractured Atlas, with IRTE in the memo line. IRTE is a sponsored project of Fractured Atlas, a non-profit arts service organization. Contributions for the charitable purposes of IRTE must be made payable to “Fractured Atlas” and are tax‐deductible to the extent permitted by law. We greatly appreciate it.

We at IRTE would like to wish all of you a happy holiday season and a wonderful new year! We'd also like to thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all your support over the past five years. Our 2016 fundraising efforts helped us pay for over a third of our overall costs. Our biggest expense, by far, is rent on theatre and rehearsal spaces. This year we spent over $3,400 on that alone. Donations weren't the only way you supported us. We had a blast seeing so many of you in the audience for multiple shows in our season.
 
Happy Holidays from all of us at IRTE, and we look forward to seeing you for our exciting new 2017 season (announcement coming soon)!

Nannette Deasy, Artistic Director
Robert Baumgardner
Curt Dixon
Jamie Maloney
Bill Berg