David Jay's DIY Paper Craft Game - Bachelorette Party FUN!

Have you ever wanted to make a fun DIY paper craft game for a bachelorette party? Of course you haven't. But now you can, with...

David Jay's Penis Ring Toss Game. 

And you'll be the most popular person there!
Watch the exciting video tutorial, and print out the instructions and template here: http://tinyurl.com/y3crbtvg

And if you're in New York City, see Tammy's Bachelorette, a hilarious comedy improv show by IRTE and David Jay as the "Adult Entertainment."

March 8, 9, 15, 16, 2019. 

Tix and info at: https://www.irteinfo.com/tickets/Tammys-Bachelorette-p129993812

Ripped from the Floorboards…

Sci-Fi-Q Gets Lost in IRTE’s The Experiment
By Jeremy Binderhull

His body was found stiff and cold, burn marks around his face and neck. But this didn’t look like any electrocution Chet had ever seen, and he’d witnessed a lot of them during his six years onboard the USS Juno, first transwarp space vessel in the fleet. A hazard of the job, engineering on one of the most complex machines in the known galaxy. Electrocutions were as common as airlock drills. This was something different, something Chet couldn’t wrap his wrench around. One thing was certain, Captain Rosin was dead and something strange and terrifying was going on.

~ ~ ~

This scene is just one example of what you might witness when you attend one of IRTE’s performances of their sci-fi comedy thriller, The Experiment, at this year’s Asheville Fringe Arts Festival.

Performing for two nights during the 4-day festival, the Improvisational Repertory Theatre Ensemble mixes comedy improv and science fiction in their unique brand of improvisational theater. The troupe works without a script, crafting their character relationships and stories onstage before your very eyes.

Last year IRTE won the award for “Artists Whose Work Made Me Laugh The Most” for their improvisational birthday party extravaganza, Happy Birthday, Stupid Kid! Their production for the 2018 festival (the 16th annual Asheville Fringe Arts Festival!) is a decidedly different show. Thanks to their director writing up his impressions from some of the ensemble’s rehearsals (yes, they do rehearse for their unscripted shows), we have a few more glimpses into the possible worlds awaiting audience members who dare to submit themselves to "The Experiment"... Enjoy!

~ ~ ~

Is he gone yet? I don’t hear any footsteps. He must be gone.

"He"? Why do you keep saying “he”? You saw that thing same as I did. I don’t know what it is, but I don’t know if I can call it a “he” or anything else I’ve ever known.

Did you just hear a chicken?

~ ~ ~

She gazed deep into my eyes. I could smell her breath. She’d had some of Charlie’s four-alarm chili. That was when I knew she was still human, still one of us.

~ ~ ~

Strange going-on in the mountains of western North Carolina...

Kids gone missing up in the foothills outside of Waynesville, Asheville, and Fletcher. Reports of bizarre sounds and eerie lights. These are the things that keep residents ever watchful and neighbors banding together to solve a problem local authorities seem unable to. With the winter chill firmly taken hold in these small, mountain communities, folks aren’t taking any chances. People are taking things into their own hands, and it’s about to get messy.

~ ~ ~

Find out what happens, and be a part of the action at IRTE’s The Experiment, presented by the Asheville Fringe Arts Festival

Featuring Actors: Nannette Deasy, Robert Baumgardner, Jamie Maloney, Connie Perry, and Sam Katz

Directed by Bill Berg

With Musical Guest Mike Andersen and Friends

Thursday, January 25 at 7 p.m.
Saturday, January 27 at 7 p.m.
Sly Grog Lounge, 271 Haywood St, Asheville, NC

Tickets: $13

http://www.ashevillefringe.org/events/irte-presents-experiment/

New Year, New IRTE

By Nannette Deasy

It's January 4th and as I sit here in a post-holiday daze, I can't help but wonder... Do my clown pants still fit?

This Saturday, IRTE will kick off the new year by remounting last season's improvised birthday party,

I'm very glamorous

Happy Birthday, Stupid Kid! for the Asheville Fringe Arts Festival in North Carolina (performances Jan 26 & 28). (Yes, I play a clown - an amateur children's party clown.). Before our rehearsal this weekend, I will need to make my way down to our building's storage and retrieve wigs, streamers, the various dime store goodies we use as props and, of course, one pair of abused clown pants. (You know it's been an indulgent New Year's when clown pants are snug.)

It's actually an exciting time for IRTE. The end of 2016 was a rough one for many of us, so we're looking forward to a 2017 full of laughter, artistic growth, music and good ol' indie theatre weirdness. In these uneasy times, all artistic voices matter, even the small and silly ones, especially the small and silly ones. Who we are and how we feel about ourselves, one another and the world around us is not solely inspired by the largest commercial stages and screens. We can be nourished one evening at a time, together in a small black box theater. There in the darkness, we connect and laugh and (hopefully) feel a bit better about everything for an hour or so.



With that in mind, Robert, Bill, Curt, Jamie and I got together, pitched about a billion (actually 35) ideas, voted, ate snacks, wrestled (mentally) and re-voted until we all agreed. (I kept pitching a show

When I googled "T-Rex" and "beauty pageant,"
the first image that came up was Donald Trump

called Toddlers and Tyrannosaurs about a child pageant show in which a T-Rex gets entered and then eats all the children. This is the third year I've pitched that show. It never gets chosen.)



Now, without further ado, I'm pleased to announce IRTE 2017! Mark your calendars! Blow your horns! Clap your hands! (unless you're a T-Rex)*

​
The Sense-ations!
Conceived by Curt Dixon
Directed by Robert Baumgardner
FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS March 17, 18, 24 & 25, 8:00pm,

​

**Management not responsible for any super villain attacks during the show.

They're international pop superstars! They have REAL super powers! Experience the phenomenon that is THE SENSE-ATIONS!**

The Experiment

Conceived and Directed by Bill Berg
FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS April 21, 22, 28 & 29, 8:00pm

Time-traveling creatures from inside your mind..

​Genetically-modified clones of your worst-nightmare-self…

Hold onto your seats because anything can happen when the twisted minds of IRTE meld with the spur-of-the-moment suggestions of the audience in this improvised B-movie sci-fi thriller that will have you laughing, screaming, and dying for more!

​

Avoidance!
Original Concept by Jamie Maloney
FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS May 19, 20, 26 & 27, 8:00pm

The game show where contestants face the discomforts of everyday life, vying for the grand prize - 

a year alone, away from the madness of daily life. Will they succeed in avoiding their greatest fears and anxieties?​

​

BRP II

Conceived and Directed by Robert Baumgardner
FRIDAYS & SATURDAYS June 16, 17, 23 & 24, 8:00pm

The big get BIGGER, the rich get RICHERER, the powerful get even more POWERFULLERERER! … but who Trumps them all? Witness the private lives of the titans of industry. Who falls from grace? Who marries up? Who moves to Washington? Find out in this improvised comedy based on the IRTE hit "Big, Rich & Powerful"!

*All shows take place 8pm at the Produces Club, ​ 358 West 44th Street New York, NY 10036.  Tickets $15



Another piece of exciting news! For the first time ever, IRTE's holding auditions! Want to be a part of the shows mentioned above? Let us know!

We are looking for diverse, experienced improvisational actors to join our roster of guest improvisers (GIRTEs). IRTE is a share-based company, meaning all show expenses (rehearsal space, performance venue, publicist, tech, postcards, posters, etc.) are split equally among the company (IRTE main ensemble and GIRTEs equally). In return, all ticket sales are also divided equally among the company after the run. For an audition slot or questions, please e-mail: irteinfo@gmail.com.⍏ GIRTEs and former Ensemble members from previous seasons need not audition, but should email their interest in being cast for future shows. For more information, please visit www.irteinfo.com.



⍏T-Rexes and beautiful child pageant stars need not apply. Apparently, some people do not find them amusing.

Aged Wisdom: 21 Pieces of Advice from Some Old Fart

Actual photo

By Lane Brickmason, Curmudgeon
(...as told to William Berg)

1. Work is overrated. If I could do it all over again I’d retire in my twenties and work shit jobs in my sixties.
2. Never hold a grudge or a fart. You’ll feel much better if you let it all go. Some say true freedom is the freedom to fart whenever and wherever you need to.
3. Always have sex with a woman who wants to have sex with you. Whatever mess it may make in the moment, you’ll regret it later if you don’t do it.
4. Free yourself from guilt. If no one saw you do it and you didn’t get caught, stop worrying about it.
5. Always sign a pre-nup. Trust me on this.
6. Never trust a politician, a lawyer, or your in-laws. In the end, they’re all out to get you.
7. Learn to play a musical instrument. It’ll help get you laid when you’re young and keep you company when you’re old.
8. Don’t concern yourself with fashion. Wear whatever the hell you like wearing.
9. Learn how to handle a firearm. Even if you don’t ever own a gun, it’s a good skill to have and you just never know when you might need it.
10. Learn how to get your own food, whether it’s hunting, fishing, or gardening. Again, you never know.
11. Keep fit and learn how to work with your hands. If you don’t build your own house, at least you can dig your own grave.
12. Do your goddamn dishes! It’s inconsiderate and disgusting, and nothing pleases a woman more than a man doing a simple chore.
13. Always keep your driver’s license and your library card current. There’s more than one way to get away!
14. Don’t get caught up in always having the latest technological gadget. Learn how to do things the old ways and you’ll be doing just fine.
15. Learn how to ride a horse or a motorcycle. Do I need to explain why?
16. Learn to fly a plane, pilot a boat, or drive a train. Good for when the shit really hits the fan.
17. Avoid doctors unless absolutely necessary. They’re like car mechanics but not as honest.
18. On the subject of perfume: when ladies wear just a little bit it adds a nice flavor to their already alluring scent. Men, on the other hand, should NEVER wear perfume. That garbage just stinks! I’d rather smell my own farts.
19. If you ever get the chance to go up in a UFO - DON’T F*CKING DO IT!!!
20. Always have a smile ready. It’s good for charming a lady or sticking it to someone who’s trying to get you down.
21. Make sure you make out a will and give clear instructions for after your death. Don’t be a pain in the ass from the grave!

The most important piece of advice..?
Don't miss LAST RESORT

Friday and Saturday nights at 8 p.m.
June 10, 11, 17 & 18
The Producer’s Club
358 W 44th St, New York, NY
Tickets: $12

Dear Mommy and Daddy... FURTHER Letters from the Front Line (aka "Camp")

IRTE's latest production, Camp Fitness, continues this Saturday June 13th. Dip your toes in the murky pond of adolescence. IRTE's very own Jamie Maloney has even more camp letters from his days as an idealistic youth!

Letters from Camp 1985
Jamie Maloney

13 years old
(Errors preserved)

 

June 26

 

Dear Mommy and Daddy

 

Send me some more money some gum and some bug repellent and some stamps
One of our counselors carries a doll
Send me my electronic football
Im having a good time.

 

Love Jamie

 

July 3

 

Dear Mommy and Daddy

Im writing to you again today because it’s raining and we can’t go out. The kids in my bunk did the duracell test to my flashlight and the bulb broke. The duracell test is dropping it from six feet and seeing if it breaks. I told you about my counselor getting fired well we got a new one and his name is Craig the old one’s name was Aaron. I told Papa to tell you send me a new marker. Send me some more money for when we go on trips and some stamps. 

Love Jamie

 

July 8

 

Dear Mommy and Daddy, 

Its raining and we’re inside I got the game but send me my baseball game  it’s tan and I think it’s around my book case or my computer. Send me some money and cereal or that juice mix stuff. if you send me the mix send me a cup

Love Jamie

 

July 12

Dear Mommy and Daddy, 

If you can send me anything send me salt water taffy

I got on my knees on the hydro-slide for a second but I fell off  I joined the swim team. I need some stamps. I’m getting good in sailing.

Love Jamie

 

Yesterday we went on a canoe trip and today I got stung by a bee under neath the tongue of my shoe

I need some more money for when we go on trips and things like that   I’m going to see if I can call you on my birthday

Love Jamie

P.S. I need stamps.

 

 

July 14 (13th birthday)

Dear Mommy and Daddy, 

When you come up on Sunday bring some shampoo and my combination lock. This morning when I woke up I had to go to the bathroom real bad and it was diarrea. then it couldn’t come out so I went to the infirmary. Send some stamps

Love Jamie

 

July 26

Dear Mommy and Daddy, 

to day we went to a mall and we got to go to all the stores we wanted. I am all out of stamps and I used most of my money send me some Capri Sun

I got into a fight with this kid. Not the same one I told you about but another kid in my bunk

July 31

Dear Mommy and Daddy, 

I got your letter that was dated July 22  I have been writing you letters. Color war is in its 3rd day but it’s raining so we’re inside

A kid gave these 2 cards for a pizza at canteen

GREAT DEAL!!

 

Love Jamie

Ready for more summer fun..?

Then come see IRTE in

CAMP FITNESS

 

Saturdays, June 6, 13 & 20, 8:00 pm
at The Producer's Club
358 W 44th St, NYC
between 8th & 9th Ave.

Tickets: $12.00

 

Dear Mommy and Daddy... MORE Letters from the Front Line (aka "Camp")

IRTE's latest production, Camp Fitness, opens this Saturday June 6th. Curl up close to the campfire. IRTE's very own Jamie Maloney has more camp letters from his days as an idealistic youth!

Letters from Camp 1984-85
Jamie Maloney

12-13 years old
(Errors preserved)



Dear Momy and Daddy,
It has rained for two days and we are making rockets. The other day a kid wrote on the outside of our bunk and had to paint it over. We got into a water fight yesterday with another bunk. I got the money you sent and I want you to send me some candy. How are the cats? Don’t forget the 9 volt batteries for my game. We saw some dumb movies, war games and the outsiders. Don’t forget the batteries and candy.


Love Jamie


P.S. Say hello to Papa and grandma when they come back.



Dear Mommy and Daddy,
Ireally don’t need to use my suntan lotion. I don’t have much to say but I’m writing this letter because I’m bored. Just send about 10 dollars and some candy and gum and a game magazine or some thing like that.


Love Jamie


Dear Mommy and Daddy,

Yesterday I went down the waterfall. I didn’t get hurt. Today I got a big cut on my foot.We went to Beltzville a beach kind of thing. I got the batteries and gum. There is nothing left in the care package but I still got the 4 packs of gum you sent thanks.


Love Jamie



Dear Mommy and Daddy


I got the candy and am sharing it. I built a rocket and will launch it soon. We had 4th of July fire works. Today someone pushed me in

the lake and I got a big hole in my tonge after I bit it. Tell me when Papa and grandma come back so I can write to them. We have this big brother thing where you get a big pal or little pal. I got a big pal. his name is Mark, he works in the kitchen. It has been raining since Friday.


Love Jamie



I got the card and presents you sent me. Today was olympic day but it got rained out. Papa sent me zabars cookies.


Love Jamie


Dear Mommy and Daddy,

I need stamps. I got the magazines you sent. I

 read one of the Mads but thats ok. Thanks for the presents. I really like the stickers. Those magazines are really neat. This kid in our bunk takes everybodys stuff without asking. He takes my football game when I dont want him to. And when I tell him not to play it he does anyway.


Love Jamie




Dear Mommy and Daddy,


I don’t have much to say but I have to write.


Love Jamie

Ready for more summer fun..?

Then come see IRTE in

CAMP FITNESS

 

Saturdays, June 6, 13 & 20, 8:00 pm
at The Producer's Club
358 W 44th St, NYC
between 8th & 9th Ave.

Tickets: $12.00

Dear Mommy and Daddy... Letters from the Front Line (aka "Camp")

IRTE's latest production, Camp Fitness, opens June 6, 2015. Let's all gather around the campfire, as IRTE's very own Jamie Maloney pulls out the ol' mail bag from his days as a bright eyed camper!

Letters from Camp 1984-85
Jamie Maloney

12-13 years old
(Errors preserved)

1st day 1984

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

The bus trip was so long, I was bored out of my head. About half way we stopped and piced up some more people from New Jersey. I had to change my seat and finally sat next to someone. He had this piano thing and let me use it. When we got to camp I went into a building where they told us what bunk we’re in, Im in I-5. There are 5 other kids in my bunk they are strange.Please send me some money, about 5$. I also want some candy and gum. I don’t miss you.


Jamie

 
2nd day June 27

Dear Mommy and Daddy

Today was all right, we played softball went swimming played soccer, volleyball. The sore on my arm from the shot is getting worse and if I move my arm it hurts. There is a red spot there and it is a big lump. I hate this place, it is so boring we only do regular stuff. I want to go home, come and get me. The kids here are stupid. I told you it will be like all the other camps. If you don’t take me home send me some change for the soda machine. But bring me home.

Love

Jamie

P.S. I want to go home real bad and I know your going to say that later on I’ll like it but I won’t. Were not doing any good stuff, just all the regular stuff like any other camp. I told you I didn’t want to go. My arm gets worse every day and it hurts. Please come and get me. This place is so boring

I want to go home
Jamie

 

Dear Mommy and Daddy,

My last letter was a trick and don’t take it seriously. To Day I went on a jet ski and a water sled, Last night we had a water fight with the bunk next door, Please send some gum, perticularly Big League Chew. Everyone in my bunk is playing my foot ball game and the batteries are almost dead so send me some 9 volt batteries.
Love Jamie
sorry about
the trick

PS. we went on go carts and they call me kamakazie. 

Ready for more summer fun..?

Then come see IRTE in

 

CAMP FITNESS

Saturdays, June 6, 13 & 20, 8:00 pm
at The Producer's Club
358 W 44th St, NYC
between 8th & 9th Ave.

Tickets: $12.00

Dear Aggy: Upper Eastside Headmaster Wants to Deny Neighbors’ Kid Admission to “It” Pre-School

By Aggy Quincy Adams

 

Every week, Aggy Quincy Adams answers New Yorkers’ burning questions in her provocative “Dear Aggy” advice column. She has read every edition of “The Amy Vanderbilt Complete Book of Etiquette” since it first went into print in 1952. Aggy’s raw, unfiltered advice makes her the moral compass of New York.

_____________________________________________

An Upper Eastside woman wants to keep her social circle free of status climbing riffraff—and their offspring.  

_____________________________________________

 Dear Aggy: I am the headmaster at a prestigious pre-school for Ivy League bound 4 year olds. My obnoxious new money neighbors desperately would like their 3 year old to attend in the fall. Even though I know first hand that young Bartholomew shows Ivy potential, this family is persona non grata in my social group. They are relentless social climbers with gross, ostentatious displays of wealth like Louis Vuitton suitcases. I don't want to be the one responsible for validating this family and affirming their deluded ambition to be well regarded within our group by admitting their son into my academy.

— Upper Crust Gatekeeper on the UES

Dear Upper Crust: You poor darling! It's completely unfair that your relentless neighbors have put you in this position. But, it’s a good thing you came to me because I have a great idea. Set up a scholarship for underprivileged students, and announce your neighbors’ young preschooler as the inaugural beneficiary. This will accomplish two things: You will be reaffirming that family's status as the underclass nouveau riche that they truly are, and you'll be doing a great thing for charity. I am sure you know the importance of contributing to charitable causes. It’s a win-win. And if they refuse your generous offer, they are truly tasteless. Godspeed!

_____________________________________________

Dear Aggy: I am so excited because I have finally booked the perfect venue for my June wedding—the Brooklyn Botanic Garden! As a native Brooklynite, I am so proud that my special day will happen in the borough I have called home my entire life. But of course, there’s a problem!

My uncle owns a catering hall in Sheepshead Bay and insists on hosting our reception there as his wedding gift to us. However, this will make for quite a trek for my guests after the ceremony. My fiancé is from rural Ohio, and our wedding will be the first time in New York City for many of his family members traveling in for the wedding. I had this bright idea to buy Metrocards for all 100 guests but my maid of honor called that idea “tacky.” I really think the reception ought to be closer to the ceremony venue. Right around the time that my uncle gifted us with the use of his catering hall for our reception, I found this amazing art deco reception hall around the corner from the ceremony venue that is still available the day of my wedding…if I don’t miss the deposit deadline.

Aggy, I absolutely cannot say no to my uncle—he’s already started working on menu ideas and hiring additional staff, and it would just break his heart if I refused his kind offer. But after all, this is my wedding and shouldn’t I be able to truly have the wedding of my dreams?

— Torn in Bensonhurst

Dear Torn: I have an awesome idea, and frankly, I am surprised you weren’t able to see this obvious solution on your own. Take the money that you’re not spending on renting a reception hall and properly “thank” your uncle by offering to pay for renovations at his catering hall (I am sure he’s owned it for many years and it is probably overdue for a facelift anyway). And make sure you insist that the hall’s new look be in the art deco style. This way, you keep your uncle happy and you get to have that art deco style venue that you so deeply desire. And if he refuses your kind offer, then he is a hypocrite and you should disinvite him from the wedding.

As for your wedding guests who will have to sojourn down to Sheepshead Bay, your friend was right—sending your wedding guests on the subway is trés gauche. I have a better idea. Gift your guests with pre-paid American Express gift cards enclosed with a note instructing them to use it for an Uber X down to your uncle’s catering hall. That’s class. Cheers!

 

Looking for MORE great advice..?

Come see IRTE in

 

LATE NIGHT NEWS

Saturdays, May 2, 9 & 16, 8:00 pm
at The Producer's Club
358 W 44th St, NYC
between 8th & 9th Ave.

Tickets: $12.00