By Aggy Quincy Adams
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An Upper Eastside woman wants to keep her
social circle free of status climbing riffraff—and their offspring.
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— Upper Crust Gatekeeper on the UES
Dear Upper Crust: You poor darling! It's completely unfair that
your relentless neighbors have put you in this position. But, it’s a good thing
you came to me because I have a great idea. Set up a scholarship for
underprivileged students, and announce your neighbors’ young preschooler as the
inaugural beneficiary. This will accomplish two things: You will be reaffirming
that family's status as the underclass nouveau riche that they truly are, and you'll be doing a great thing for
charity. I am sure you know the importance of contributing to charitable
causes. It’s a win-win. And if they refuse your generous offer, they are truly
tasteless. Godspeed!
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Dear Aggy: I am so excited because I have finally booked the perfect venue for my June wedding—the Brooklyn Botanic Garden! As a native Brooklynite, I am so proud that my special day will happen in the borough I have called home my entire life. But of course, there’s a problem!
My uncle owns a catering hall in
Sheepshead Bay and insists on hosting our reception there as his wedding gift
to us. However, this will make for quite a trek for my guests after the
ceremony. My fiancé is from rural Ohio, and our wedding will be the first time
in New York City for many of his family members traveling in for the wedding. I
had this bright idea to buy Metrocards for all 100 guests but my maid of honor
called that idea “tacky.” I really think the reception ought to be closer to
the ceremony venue. Right around the time that my uncle gifted us with the use
of his catering hall for our reception, I found this amazing art deco reception
hall around the corner from the ceremony venue that is still available the day
of my wedding…if I don’t miss the deposit deadline.
Aggy, I absolutely cannot say no
to my uncle—he’s already started working on menu ideas and hiring additional
staff, and it would just break his heart if I refused his kind offer. But after
all, this is my wedding and shouldn’t
I be able to truly have the wedding of my dreams?
— Torn in Bensonhurst
Dear Torn: I have an awesome idea, and frankly, I am surprised you
weren’t able to see this obvious solution on your own. Take the money that
you’re not spending on renting a reception hall and properly “thank” your uncle
by offering to pay for renovations at his catering hall (I am sure he’s owned
it for many years and it is probably overdue for a facelift anyway). And make
sure you insist that the hall’s new look be in the art deco style. This way,
you keep your uncle happy and you get to have that art deco style venue that
you so deeply desire. And if he refuses your
kind offer, then he is a hypocrite and you should disinvite him from the
wedding.
As for your wedding guests who
will have to sojourn down to Sheepshead Bay, your friend was right—sending your
wedding guests on the subway is trés gauche. I have a better idea. Gift your
guests with pre-paid American Express gift cards enclosed with a note
instructing them to use it for an Uber X down to your uncle’s catering hall.
That’s class. Cheers!
Looking for MORE great advice..?
Come see IRTE in
Saturdays, May 2, 9 & 16, 8:00 pm
at The Producer's Club
358 W 44th St, NYC
between 8th & 9th Ave.
at The Producer's Club
358 W 44th St, NYC
between 8th & 9th Ave.
