THE CAPTAIN’S CORNER
_____________________________________________
Ahoy, Mateys!
That’s sailor talk for “Hello, friends!”
 |
| Capt. Adam LaRonde of the SS Ted McGinley |
My name is Capt.
LaRonde and let me be the first to welcome you aboard the SS Ted McGinley cruise ship.
For those first time cruisers, you are in for the experience
of a lifetime. I hope you packed your sunscreen and left your worries behind.
The first question I get from folks who have never been on a
cruise before is always when do we eat?
Well, I’m proud to announce that our award-winning buffet service
is now open 24 hours a day, seven days a week. As my dear old Dad used to say: if you don’t get enough to eat, it’s your own
damn fault.
Also you might want to take a second to pinch yourself
(ouch!)
Why did you just pinch yourself? Because we are extremely
lucky to have on this voyage the one and only Shecky Herring. The legendary prop comedian will be performing
nightly at our famous Peppermint Lounge.
Also we have a variety of musical acts for your enjoyment, including my
personal favorite Mary Knapp and her
magical accordion stylings.
And if all that food, comedy and music still isn’t enough,
our Cruise Director Judy McGill has planned
a smorgasbord of fun and exciting activities for you to enjoy.
And now for all those grizzled cruise veterans among us, I
say: Quit
bugging me and let me steer the ship!
All joking aside, please do not try to enter the main
steerage deck. Especially in these
post-9/11 times I fail to find the humor in it.
Now, for both the “newbies” and the “vets”, may I make this
humble request?
If you find yourself with time to spare, feel free to lend us a hand. Help scrub the deck, cut up some taters in the kitchen or just shovel
coal in the engine room (just kidding – our engines run on nuclear fuel).
Our newly-installed engines are perfectly functional, bought
at bargain prices from the former Soviet Republic of Azberbaijan. Say what you
want about the evils of the Soviet communist system but man oh man when that
sucker collapsed there were bargains to be found everywhere!!!
It’s traditional to launch a sea voyage with a toast. And
here is one of my favorites:
May you always be
upgraded to a deluxe cabin, may the buffet line always be short, and may your
plumbing never need fixin!
Huzzah, Bon Voyage and L'Chayim!
-Capt. Adam LaRonde
SS Ted McGinley
Climb Aboard the SS Ted McGinley
with IRTE in...
Saturdays, April 4, 11 & 18, 8:00 pm
at The Producer's Club
358 W 44th St, NYC
between 8th & 9th Ave.
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